It’s our favorite time of year, when a very small percentage of Americans vote for their favorite scumbags.

I live in a state where the senate race is hotly contested.  We have Thom Tillis, who hates education (and why not: his teachers couldn’t even get him to spell his first name correctly ((if not correctly, then simply)) and loves toll lanes.  And then there’s Kay Hagan, who votes with Obama (a four letter words in these parts) ninety-six percent of the time.  Kay Hagan took government money for her family business, or maybe she didn’t, because the corporate ties are as confounding as her ethics.

There are some judges, I guess, looking for jobs.  If I’ll be paying their salaries I might as well vote for those with the nicest-sounding names, because I haven’t a clue what they stand for: they all say the same thing: they’re compassionate, but tough on crime.  I want an asshole soft on crime, but oh well ….

I’m getting robo-calls up the whazoo, and I’m pretty sure that no matter who I vote for I’ll be getting much more than that up the very same whazoo!

They all make promises, not unlike the sixth-grade elections where the goody-two-shoes Mary Short ran on a platform of free lunches, and won.  Only then, the teachers rolled their eyes while the kids cheered her on.  Now, there are no adults to reign in the madness.  They promise free lunches, and give away free lunches.  Only someone has to pay, and that someone’s always me.  (Okay, I lost to Mary in that election, but who’s holding a grudge?)  I don’t mind giving to those in need.  Last week I bought breakfast for a homeless man in Louisville, and because no good deed goes unpunished I subsequently lost my cell phone.  Charity is good; we all, in the end, may need it.  Just don’t make it a habit.  Work if you can work, and be wise: don’t buy lobster with food stamps, because those truly in need will inevitably get lumped in with your ass-foolery, as will the entire safety net.  (I made that word up just in time for the elections, as in: I’ll be voting for the Republican ass-fool for the senate seat: Thom Tillis, and the h isn’t silent.)  Geez, even his name has got to be kind of a dick.

My point is this: There are no free lunches, and Mary was wrong!