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<\/a><\/p>\nI didn’t have braces and my teeth are fine.<\/p>\n
There’s only one reasonable conclusion: their mother; her genes.<\/p>\n
The kids’ bad behavior? \u00a0Yep, blame it on mom.<\/p>\n
My son can’t dribble a basketball to save his life. \u00a0I want to cry. \u00a0Growing up, basketball was my religion. \u00a0He got this from his mother. \u00a0(I’ve seen her shoot hoops. \u00a0It isn’t pretty.)<\/p>\n
My oldest daughter punched my youngest in the nose, and sprang a leak. \u00a0Where does this violence come from? \u00a0Moi? \u00a0No way. \u00a0Just because I joined the Marine Corps doesn’t mean that I’m not a pacifist of the highest order.<\/p>\n
I’m a neat freak, and no one cares. \u00a0(Tell me that this isn’t because of you know who!)<\/p>\n
At night, the entire house is lit up, and and there I go on a rant, flipping switches room to room. \u00a0They look at me like I’ve lost my marbles.<\/p>\n
“Seriously, dad. \u00a0What’s the big deal?”<\/p>\n
I tell them about the big deal. \u00a0In unison they roll their eyes \u2013 a defiant, all-too common act that I swear they rehearse when I’m not around.<\/p>\n
Okay. \u00a0The farting antics. \u00a0I’ll own those, and why the hell not? \u00a0Farts are funny … until the little miscreants cut one in public and blame you, run away gagging and holding their noses. \u00a0What are you going to do? \u00a0Tell everyone that it was your kid and not you? \u00a0I’m a bad parent, not a monster.<\/p>\n
And the thing about turning their underwear inside out to stretch another day, all me. \u00a0(I know, brilliant, right? \u00a0Flip them again and you got yourself another.)<\/p>\n
Sadly, a side-by-side comparison of their parents’ report cards explain the bad grades. \u00a0I yell at them to shape up and stop making me look bad. \u00a0To be more like their mother.<\/p>\n
The hugs, yeah, that’s mom. \u00a0When one of our little criminals comes up and “shares” with me a hug, I put them in a headlock and demand answers. \u00a0“You drop my iPhone in the toilet again, butterfingers?”<\/p>\n
Scientists believe that soon they’ll be able to splice the best from both mom and dad. \u00a0If that isn’t good enough, they can splice from a third-party donor, and wa-lah: the perfect child.<\/p>\n
Of course, the intent is to wipe out genetic defects, which is noble. \u00a0However, it will only be a matter of time before medical boutique shops promise perfect smiles and grades? \u00a0Every kid money from the three-point line. \u00a0Home work done, hands washed, and lights out by nine. \u00a0(Am I dreaming?)<\/p>\n
But if that’s the future thank God I’m not in it. \u00a0We got braces, bad grades and bloody noses. \u00a0We got lights, cameras, and action. \u00a0Tantrums and defiance, and really lame excuses. \u00a0In other words, we got it all, baby. \u00a0(And they got the best from me!)<\/p>\n
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I didn’t have braces and my teeth are fine. There’s only one reasonable conclusion: their mother; her genes. The kids’ bad behavior? \u00a0Yep, blame it on mom. My son can’t dribble a basketball to save his life. \u00a0I want to cry. \u00a0Growing up, basketball was my religion. \u00a0He got this from his mother. \u00a0(I’ve … Continue reading Why do my kids need braces?<\/span>